I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
