I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
