she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
