A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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