At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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