My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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