my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish you could order shots online.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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