I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
