I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
