Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
