somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
