so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
