It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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