How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
they're like a gay fantastic four
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's shark week go big or go home
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
