you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
