i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
