Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
false alarm. still invincible.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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