Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
