he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize