I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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