im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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