soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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