it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
