12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
handjob tips. give me some.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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