mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
