Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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