she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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