Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize