wakey wakey hands off snakey
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
