someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
