Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
