i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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