You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
