you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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