i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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