Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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