kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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