Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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