if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
