the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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