3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can text with my tongue
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
