My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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