I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
