Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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