Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
