dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
