can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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