You're so nebulous sometimes
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
