So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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