I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
