This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
