I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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