I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got inside last night via doggy door
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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