hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
