He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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