The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
