They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
