It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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