i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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