If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize