it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
we're so committed to being not committed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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