yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
