you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize