Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
