theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
