If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She bit a glass in half.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
