Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize