in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
40s are totally the cure
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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