grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
