I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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