its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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