It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
