FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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