you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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