I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
