There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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