I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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