Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
