My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Houston, we have a blender
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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