a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
