Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You took a bar mat shot.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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