i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
