question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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